Just Wanted A Goodbye
by MoreThanSimplyWords
Summary: Rory's thought process when she learns Jess has left Stars Hollow.


**A/N: Hey everyone! This is my first fanfiction. :) I wish we could have seen more of Rory's reaction when she found out Jess left Stars Hollow...but since that didn't happen, I made it up. I (obviously) don't own Gilmore Girls. Anyways, thanks for reading!**

"_Jess is gone."_

The words rung in her head and she sensed she would never get them out. She tried to brush it off around her mom - it wasn't as if her mom had ever liked Jess in the first place, and Rory certainly couldn't show just how much those three words had affected her. She recalled their last glance at each other; his dark eyes holding her gaze as she stepped off the bus. She knew she had more to say to him, but hadn't doubted they'd get around to it.

_He knew,_ she thought. And he never said a word. No declaration of love (not that she would have expected that from Jess), not even a kiss goodbye. She recalled the last time their lips had touched; the whole experience ending with her pushing him away and his harsh words crashing into her like a tidal wave until she flung open the door and ran down the steps to Dean, of all people. She recalled the way the police lights danced off his unwavering face as he gave her one last stare before walking away.

"_Luke doesn't think he's coming back."_

"_Neither do I." _

As soon as she spoke the words, she knew they were true. It was just a fluke they had run into each other on the bus. _He wasn't even going to say goodbye._ Just like when he left for New York. Except this time was different. They hadn't been dating then, and she wasn't going to be 'that girl', the one who ran off to who-knows-where to bring back her boyfriend. She could handle this. Maybe Dean was right - her boyfriend had treated her like dirt. Yet she put up with it because that was just Jess. She knew he didn't mean it. Or at least he hadn't used to. _He didn't say goodbye._ Her eyes filled with tears at the thought. As her mom pulled the car into the driveway, she stepped out, half expecting Jess to appear from the dark of the porch like the characters in some of the books she'd read. He'd take her in his arms and kiss her and tell her he didn't mean any of it - that he hadn't been mad at her, that he would never leave her. But she shook her head. Such thoughts were ridiculous, she knew. The sooner she accepted that, the better.

She was idly gathering her books when her mom stepped into the kitchen. _"You were named valedictorian?"_

"_Yeah," _She replied with a slight smile, trying to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Walking into her room, she was once again reminded that Jess wasn't here to share the moment. He was always one to brush things off, feigning little interest, but she could always tell he was happy for her. He liked to keep himself a mystery, but she supposed she could read him better than most. The little smirk he got when teasing her, the strong arm he had placed around her when she told him she was going to Yale; that was how she knew he cared for her and was proud of her. And now he was gone. He wasn't coming back.

"_I can't go to the prom. I couldn't get tickets." _The words floated back to her and she squeezed her eyes shut. She had been so wrapped up in the prom fiasco that she hadn't noticed anything was wrong. If only she had known why he was really on the bus. She would have taken a longer look before she left. The last memory she had of him wasn't another one of their playful bantering matches. It wasn't one of his kisses that left her utterly breathless. It wasn't one of his small gestures that meant the world to her, as much as she tried to play it down. It was his eyes as they tried to block off any emotion he felt. His voice as he tried to present himself nonchalant. But the way he couldn't quite meet her eye as he relayed the prom information let her know that he knew he'd disappointed her. They both knew she would get over it in time, but a fleeting thought still sailed through her mind - what if she had told him it was fine? Maybe it could have stopped him from leaving. She knew it was highly unlikely. Once Jess had his mind made up, little would change it. Still, she wished she could have done something. Something other than wait here to see if he'd call.

She wished she could have clued in while she was on the bus. Maybe he wouldn't have left. But no, he had always hated Stars Hollow anyways, and no amount of pleading could have changed that. She stood at her bookshelf, running her hand over the book he'd left the notes in. Maybe if she hadn't run out of the room at the party, hadn't stopped when she came to Dean, had chased after him when he left and tried to explain, none of this would have happened. Maybe if she had noticed the way he looked at her on the bus was just a little different, he would be closing up the diner right now. She opened the book, memorizing his handwriting. The tears finally fell now. She placed the book back on the shelf, letting go of the little piece of him she still had. If only she had known he was leaving…she could have at least said goodbye.


End file.
